Holiday Tradition

Well it is holiday time. A time of year that I always enjoy tremendously. I love all the decorations, baking, gift giving, and time with family and friends. One couple I recently met was having a problem with the fact that they each celebrated different holiday traditions. The oldest child is now old enough to understand the holidays and they didn’t know whose traditions they should make a tradition in their family. I was wondering why they had to choose. I figure why not incorporate both? There are a few ways to do it. You could do each event/tradition at different times of the holiday month. Another option is to combine both traditions at the same time, picking the favorites from each. And lastly, you could alternate years, do one tradition each year and switch to the other the next. Either way the child and family will benefit from getting to experience wonderful traditions and creating family memories that will last a lifetime. Until next month...get out of the past, look toward the future, but live in the NOW.

Moving for a Promotion?

Hello this month’s entry will talk about a decision that many dual earner couples in today’s society might have to make. And that decision is about relocation of the family for a career. The couple I will refer to has a decision to make about whether to move for the husband’s promotion or not. This is not an easy decision to make since other people’s lives are affected, not just the husband. In this case, the couple has a child to consider, but the child is still very young and won’t be very affected by the decision. So that removes one big factor right there. Another big factor is that of the wife’s career. She travels a lot on business and can pretty much live anywhere so moving won’t really affect her career. That takes care of another big factor. So what is the disagreement all about? Well, the husband and the wife both like their current location due to the fact that it is a safe and nice place to raise a child with friends and family nearby. However, the opportunity is more important to the husband than the location and so he wants to move and she wants to stay. So the question is, how to make both parties happy because you can’t have one unhappy and the other happy and have a relationship work. Well, compromise is basically the key. There are three main options that the couple has…stay where they are, live separately and make a long distance relationship work, or move. And each choice has its complications.

• During the decision process, make sure to weigh out the pros and cons. Be realistic.
  
• Discuss and create possible solutions and compromises for different scenarios. Perhaps the husband can go and try it out first and see if he likes the job or the new location before the family comes.
  
• Remain fair to both parties. Resentment can build when people are forced to do things that they don’t want to so like I said before, compromise.
  
• Remain open-minded.
  
• Think of this as an opportunity for change or another option life has presented not a problem. Then decide whether you want to take it or not.
  

If you have to make this type of decision, there isn’t a right or wrong choice. Each family must decide what is the right solution for them. And ultimately, what will be best for all members of the family. Until next month…get out of the past, look toward the future, but live in the NOW.

Long Lost Love

This is a bit of a bittersweet story. I met a man who is in his mid-40s, successful, and seemingly has a great life. Only one problem…he’s lonely. He has had some serious relationships over the years, but there is one that he never seemed to forget. Yes, the clichéd “one that got away.” This “one” was from his early 20’s, and geography was the cause for the breakup, plus they were young, etc. So over the years he has thought about her and always wondered if he should get in touch but felt foolish. Here is my advice…

• Be realistic about the seriousness and feelings that were actually involved in the relationship.
  
• Remember the reasons for the breakup and realize that they may have been valid.
  
• Try not to romanticize the good and downplay the bad. People tend to downplay the bad when they are no longer in the relationship.
  
• Make sure that you know both of you were emotionally invested in the relationship at the time and it was not more one-sided.
  
• Make sure the person and not the desire for what you don’t have is the driving force. Everyone wants a happy ending, but make sure it’s that person you want it with.
  
• After all this, if you decide to get in touch, the technology now is very helpful. Websites like Facebook or MySpace help you get in touch with people from the past.
  

And if it turns out that the love is married or not interested, at least you know you’ve tried and can finally move on knowing that “the one” is someone you may not have met yet. Unitl next time...get out of the past, look toward the future, but live in the NOW.

Difference of Opinion

This time on my travels I came across a man who was very upset, and after some small talk it was revealed that his girlfriend of five years had broken up with him, even though they still loved each other. I wondered why and then was told that the reason for the roadblock to their bliss was marriage. He did not want to get married and she did. And after five years, they weren’t married and weren’t getting married, and she took it to mean that he really wasn’t as committed as he said he was. And due to this difference of opinion, they were no longer together. So here are some options if you find yourself in this type of situation.

• Reflect. Each party needs to reflect on what he or she wants or needs out of a relationship.
  
• Figure out if marriage is or is not of major importance and explain the reasons to your partner. Understanding can go a long way.
  
• Do not try to pressure or force your partner into doing what you want, because that can lead to resentment.
  
• Look for possible compromises. Perhaps a ceremony could be performed but without the usual binding legal contract. Or maybe you could come up with your own tradition or ritual as a couple that could appease both of you.
  

What it all comes down to is that you must decide if the relationship is worth saving and ultimately what is right for you and your future happiness. Until next month…get out of the past, look toward the future, but live in the NOW.

Tardiness

This blog will address tardiness. Sure, there are extenuating circumstances that cause one to be late, but if it becomes a habit, then that’s when it becomes a problem. First of all, what does it say about a person…unreliable, irresponsible, disheveled, unorganized, and disrespectful, etc. All of this is said by constant tardiness. I was sitting on the plane, and an announcement was made that we were still waiting on a passenger. Just then hurtling down the jet bridge came the last passenger. The passenger was still holding her belt and jewelry from going through security, the ticket crumpled up and shoved halfway in her pocket, hair a mess, panting from running, all anxious because of no place for luggage stowage, and she was coming to sit next to me. “Woo I made it! Didn’t think I would.” I asked if something had happened. The response was, “Nope, I am always late…never enough time you know.” I was thinking that it must be very stressful to constantly be in a state of rushing around, adrenaline pumping. So I decided to blog a few tips for being on time if this is something you find difficult.

• Set your watch 5-10 minutes ahead and be sure and follow the new time.
  
• Allow for more time than you think you’ll need. If you think it will take you an hour to get ready, then allow for an hour and 15 minutes.
  
• Leave an extra 15-20 minutes for travel time to accommodate for any little, last-minute things that can pop up (extra traffic, stop lights, etc.).
  
• Prepare everything in advance. Pick out and iron your clothes the night before. Or pack your lunch or set up the coffee brewer the night before. Whatever takes up extra time for you, then do it in advance.
  

Tardiness may seem like a silly issue, but if for no other reason, being on time shows that you respect the other person or persons and their time. Until next month…get out of the past, look toward the future, but live in the NOW.

Dog and New Roommate

As a life coach I help people with relationships of all kinds. This blog is no exception. However, this is about a conflict between an owner, his dog, and his fiancé. I was chatting with a young businessman the other day, and throughout the course of the conversation his beloved dog came up. His fiancé had just moved in with him, and his dog was not as pleased about the change as he was. I told him that since he had been living alone and that she was his only dog, she was probably a little jealous of having to share his normally undivided attention with the new housemate. With this in mind I gave him a few tips to help the situation.

• Be sure your fiancé has an open mind and is not resistive towards the dog. Dogs are very receptive, and it will be natural for your fiancé to resist the dog when the dog is not accepting her, but she must rise above it and show affection and care, not indifference.
  
• Your fiancé should be affectionate toward the little dog, but not too affectionate or overbearing.
  
• The move is a big change for the dog, so try to keep other aspects of the dog’s life and routine as close to normal as possible so as not to add unnecessary stress.
  
• Involve your fiancé in the care of your dog. Have her feed her or give her treats or brush her or walk her. This will get the dog used to your fiancé as a provider/caretaker as well as you.
  
• And throughout all of this make sure your dog is still getting the attention from you that she always was. Be sure to give the dog undivided attention, just the two of you, as well as sharing attention among the three of you.
  

And so with a little patience this dog should be warming up to his fiancé in no time and will start to realize that she will now be getting twice the affection and pets than she was before. Until August…get out of the past, look toward the future, but live in the NOW.

Saving Money

This entry is about something we have all definitely heard about, and most of us can probably relate to: The Bad Economy. Today’s blog features a woman I met who was very upset that she was being forced, along with others in the company she works for, to take a pay cut. She expressed her concerns about her monthly bills, debt, possible future expenses, and the fact that she simply refused to give up her quality of life she was used to. I explained to her that it is important to remember that at least the company she works for is still in business and that she still has a job. I also gave her some suggestions on ways in which she could save a little bit of money to make her new salary work.

• Make a budget. It will help put into perspective the amount of money you are now able to spend on monthly expenses and to help you stay within the new parameters.
  
• Use cash instead of credit or debit cards. You see exactly what you are spending your money on, and it may help you spend less when you see it physically leave your wallet. This is especially helpful if you don’t balance a checkbook or keep track of receipts.
  
• Find leisure activities you can do for little to no money. You can go to the park and do yoga or hike or picnic. There are museums and beaches. Instead of going to the movies, rent one. There are so many possibilities.
  
• Cut out items that are frivolous, the ones that cost too much when times are tight. For example, cancel the gym membership and instead lift free weights at home or rollerblade or run around the neighborhood. Or if you are constantly eating out, then save money by bringing your lunch to work or making dinner at home. Look up new recipes to keep it interesting, and who knows maybe you’ll discover a love for cooking.
  
• Watch for sales. During times like these many businesses run sales to increase traffic and bring in money. Keep an eye on items or services you must pay for in order to get deals and save money on the things that you must spend money on anyway. One example would be car repairs/services. Some car repair places are running deals on such things like oil changes, which are a necessity. Even small savings help. Like they say, ”Every little bit helps.”
  
• Use a talent that you have to earn extra money. If you can play an instrument, then give lessons. If you enjoy animals, then you could pet sit. This can supplement a loss in money, and doing something you enjoy can seem less like work.
  
• As cliché as this sounds, also remember that you shouldn’t forget to be thankful for what you do have and that the most important things in life are family and friends.
  

I told her that basically it comes down to the fact that adjustments must be made and that she can’t have more going out than her new salary brings in. And also the economy is cyclical. It has been bad before and gotten better. So hang in there and it will be better again. Until July…get out of the past, look toward the future, but live in the NOW.

First Entry (I know it's a little early)

For my first entry in the T.L.C. Chronicles archive I decided that I would discuss the fear of flying. I figured it is very apropos as these are stories about travel. Well, the truth is that flying as a mode of transportation is here to stay. It is fast and efficient. Unless you plan on going only short distances the rest of your life and driving or taking a boat or a train, then chances are you will have to step on a plane at some point. This brings me to my seatmate. Seated next to me was a young woman clutching the armrests, white-knuckled, and muttering something about needing a drink. The airplane door hadn't even been closed yet. She finally said after a few minutes, "I hate flying. It's my second time, and I am absolutely terrified!" She was here because a sibling's wedding across country with no time off from work to allow for driving all the way had left her no choice. If you too, have a fear of flying here are some tips:

• Remember that flying is actually safer than driving. Airplane crashes are so much rarer than car crashes which is why they make the news. In actuality there are so many regulations in effect that flying is very safe.


• Take someone with you who can distract you with conversation or hold your hand. Their calm attitude toward flying may reassure you as well. If you can't bring anyone, then look around at the other passengers. They will most likely be sleeping, reading, etc. Some people even bring their pets for reassurance. You can't take them out on the plane, but having them there can help.


• Remember the reason you are traveling and get excited about that. Change your focus away from the flying part. You could even purchase a new suitcase, outfit, book, etc. to be used only on the trip and get excited about that.


• Always bring something to do on the plane. Bring such things as a dvd player, book, ipod, crossword puzzle, laptop, or anything else that can distract you.


• Use positive thinking and creative visualization. Picture yourself landing safely and having a great time at your destination.


• Start with small, short flights; then your courage will build, and you can take that vacation in Hawaii you've always dreamed about.


• Lastly, take a deep breath and enjoy the ride.

Back to my seatmate, I asked her about the wedding and her family and as she talked, she relaxed. We arrived at our destination safely, and although her fear of flying didn't go away, she chose to deal with it in order to not miss out on an important event in her life. I had to commend her for her bravery at facing her fear. It is tough but possible. Until next month...get out of the past, look toward the future, but live in the now.

Introduction to T.L.C. Chronicles

Hi! Welcome to my blog, the Traveling Life Coach Chronicles or T.L.C. for short. I am Coach McKenzie of Camelot Life Coaching, which offers support and guidance through web-based life coaching. I’m starting this blog because as a life coach I travel a lot and meet people seeking guidance about certain things or issues in life. Many of these issues/problems a lot of us have encountered or will encounter and can definitely relate to. And thus this blog is born. Every month, I will be sharing a new story from someone I have met and a few simple steps or actions that one can take in order to start the resolution process. It is my hope that these little anecdotes will be able to help some of you out as well. Each new story will come out on the first Monday of the month. I chose the first week of the month because it will give you all something to ponder and reflect upon the rest of the month. So stay tuned and log on each month. And remember get out of the past, look toward the future, but live in the now. Until next month…

P.S. The tips/steps given are simply meant to get one started and may not be right for everyone. Additional coaching may be necessary.